Fantasy versus Reality

I used to read a lot prior to college, mostly romance novels and suspense stories. I think one of the reasons I loved romance novels was because I was too young to fully realize that it doesn't happen in real life. I had nothing in my life to compare it to, so perhaps it gave me a false sense of hope that these romances actually happen in real life. I remember getting so engrossed in the stories that I dwell on and think about these characters as if they were real. And I think subconsciously these stories put unfair expectations in my mind about relationships. At the time, I didn't see any harm in living in these fantasies.

After high school, I pretty much stopped reading for fun. It's been a long time since I'd read any romance novels. It's probably just as well because I think I am much more realistic and less naive than I used to be. Recently I was out with a few girlfriends at dinner, and two of my friends had read Twilight. When they mentioned that it was a vampire story, I exclaimed, 'I used to LOVE vampire novels!' My friend laughed and handed me the book and said I'd be finished with it in just a few days. I was a bit nervous about reading it, because I didn't want to become obsessed with the book (or the male character, more importantly). So I started cautiously, not sure how I would react to reading a book about a vampire now that I am much older.

Surprisingly, it was a different and interesting experience. I enjoyed it very much, and had it open every free minute I had. While I was reading, I was completely 'in' the story and I could 'feel' what the female character felt. But as soon as I closed it, I am back in the real world. As I was reading the book, I realized why a vampire story makes for such a great romance novel. It's the whole forbidden love concept. A vampire's instinct and physical need is to kill humans. In Twilight, a male vampire and a female human fall in love. His instinct to hurt her struggles against his heart and mind to love and protect her. She knows that he can kill her unintentionally at any moment, and yet will do anything to be with him. At one point, she asked him how he's able to resist the temptation to hurt her, and he said, 'mind over matter'. I thought this was interesting because it's really true. The mind is powerful. We are not slaves to our physical needs and desires, we CAN control them if our minds are in the right place.

The best part (and worst) of the book is reading just how absolutely in love the characters are. The way she sees him, as the most beautiful and perfect being in the whole world (not to mention the fact that he's a vampire so he's strong, fast, can read minds, etc) and the way she melts and hyperventilates when he looks into her eyes. It's the best because I can 'escape' into this fantasy world and 'pretend' that I'm her for the time being. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to see and feel for someone the way she does him, almost as if nothing he does or says or is could ever be wrong. He's just that perfect (at least to me). It's the worst because I know it's not real and can never be real. No one feels that way about another person. My friend and I were joking around about how we've spent years adjusting our expectations with reality that we have to be careful to now allow these stories to affect our perspectives (least of all vampire stories).

Another of our friends who hasn't read this book yet mentioned she read an article that said how the men and women of our generation are growing farther and farther apart in how we view love and relationships. The women tend to gravitate toward romance novels, stories of forbidden love and sacrifices and significant romantic gestures. The men on the other hand .... well, you get the picture. It's no wonder that there are so many problems in relationships and marriages. So I do see how reading romance novels can be harmful. Even in reading Twilight, I had to be conscious of and careful to separate fantasy from reality. I just found out though, that Twilight is part of a 4 book series. But I think I have decided that once this series is over, I am going to stay away from these types of novels, especially if I were ever to get into a relationship. It's just not fair, to him or me, to be subjecting my thoughts to these fantasies and having expectations that will never be met. Unless I somehow come across a beautiful vampire who decides to fall in love with me ....