It's My Party ....

Many of you know that I really enjoy throwing parties, and I'd even say that I'm fairly decent at it. But the one party that I really do not like throwing is the self-pity party, but I somehow end up hosting it at times when the enemy comes knocking at the door. I'm not even quite sure what happened, but one night, one thought allowed into my head snowballed into a sea of self-pity, complaints, fear of failure and hopelessness. It got to a point where I thought that if God decided to take me up to heaven right now, I think I'd be happy so I didn't have to deal with what I was feeling. I knew these thoughts were not from God, but I was too busy focusing on myself to get out of the hole. When I finally was able to think clearly, I realized that just hours ago, I was taking a walk in the afternoon, enjoying the weather and the peacefulness, praying and talking to God. I was full of peace and joy and hope. What happened? Did my circumstances change between 5pm and 11pm? No! I allowed one thought that wasn't lined up with God's Word to enter my mind and I did not take it captive. I dwelled on it and it took my focus off of Christ, and I was focused on myself, hence, the self-pity party that was so pathetic that I didn't even want to be there.

Then I thought, why is it that I'm more vulnerable to these attacks at night, and not during the day? Then this verse came to me, 'Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning' (Psalm 30:5) I know David was using this as an analogy, that God's anger lasts for a short time, but His favor lasts a lifetime. However, why did he use weeping with night and joy with morning? God is the same God during the night and day! I don't have an answer, maybe someone else does.

I thank God that He gave us the body of Christ to help us in our daily walk. I shared this at our prayer meeting and everyone prayed peace over me. And since I know when I am vulnerable spiritually, I need to spend more time in His Word at night before I go to bed.

I was reading Romans today, and a few verses jumped out at me and really encouraged me. It reminded me to be thankful (rather than complain) in all situations, and to not lose hope. Romans 5:3-5 says, 'we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.' Romans 8:24-25 says, 'For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; but why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.' Sometimes, I think, how I can keep hoping for something if I don't see anything happening? Well, this verse says to me, 'duh, if you see it, then you won't need to hope for it!' Then a few verses down, 8:28, 'And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God'. ALL things, not just the things that look good or the things that don't cause us pain, ALL THINGS will work together for our good if we love God! Ah, and one of my favorites, 8:31-32, 'If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?' It's an insult to Him when I doubt His desire to bless me and to give me ALL things, especially when those things are nothing compared to Jesus! I've heard Psalms 37:4 preached often, and I finally read it for myself today, 'Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.' Seems simple enough. It's us that make it complicated. He says to just delight in Him, and He'll take care of our desires! (I guess that's where 'don't worry, be happy' came from...)

And finally, verses to stand on that wipes away any fear of failure, Romans 8:38-39, 'For I [Paul] am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.' Praise God! EVEN IF, I fail in everything I do for the rest of my life, GOD STILL LOVES ME. EVEN IF, I made a wrong decision by mistake, GOD STILL LOVES ME. EVEN IF, someone I loved deeply walked out of my life, GOD STILL LOVES ME!!

These are all things that I already know (and I'm sure you do too), but I need to be able to stand on these verses when the enemy knocks on the door. Hopefully writing this all down will help when the time comes.

Oh, and for the first time today, I started highlighting verses in my Bibles that stand out to me. This is a big deal for me. I don't even like highlighting textbooks for fear of 'ruining' them. I like keeping books neat and clean, especially my Bibles! I think the revelation came today, that it probably helps me in my study of the Word if I highlighted as I read. Spares me the time of rewriting the verses into a notebook and the time of searching through an entire book looking for a verse that I read 3 days ago that I wanted to reread. This is a monumental point in my life =P