Castles Made of Sand

I cannot believe it's April. I've been slacking off in writing my blog these past 3 weeks, mostly because I don't have any interesting pictures to post. I am in my PJs at my parents' house 75% of the time. I LOVE being in PJs all day long.

So what have I been doing since I got back from my trip halfway around the around?
1) getting over jet lag which took nearly a week
2) slowly applying for jobs that don't require 75-hour work weeks
3) going to an all-female gym with my mom a few mornings a week, it's embarrassing, the seniors are in better shape than I am
4) working part-time as a consultant, imagine that, I can make money sitting in front of my computer at home, in PJs
5) going to a Chinese Christian church with my parents on Sunday, and really enjoying meeting new people
6) taking walks with my parents when it's not frigid out
7) forcing myself to read the WSJ everyday, which is filled with bad news on top of more bad news
8) meeting up with my sister and friends in the city when I get the chance
9) enjoying not having to clean, cook, or do laundry (I know, it's horrible to take advantage of the situation, but it's been 8 years since I've lived at home and I do the dishes occasionally!)
10) building up my faith in the Lord, in believing that He's going to lead me in the direction He wants me to go!

#10 is easier said than done. On most days, I am not worried that I don't have a job in one of the worst markets since the Great Depression, or that I have no clue what my life-plan looks like. And on my off-days, I start second-guessing decisions I've made or feel anxious about all the unknowns in my life. But God always saves me from my doubts and reminds me to depend on Him. The truth is, I really don't have anything or anyone else I can rely on, with any aspect of my life right now. I think these past 7+ months have really helped me to learn to trust in the Lord, to relax, and to re-prioritize the goals that I have. It's almost as if the Sabbatical prepared me for the situation that I am now facing. When I made the decision to quit my job and take time off in the beginning of 2007, I had no idea that the financial market would be in the state that it's currently in. It literally crumbled within a matter of months. I was reading in the WSJ today that many baby boomers who are at retirement age have recently made the decision to continue working or go back into the workforce, due to fear that they won't have enough money to retire on. It is a scary situation to be in, if one places too much value on materialistic things or if one can only depend on oneself.

I've been reading Philippians recently, and some of the verses are just so powerful and relevant. I love 3:7-8 where Paul says 'what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ...I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ...for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him'. And 4:11-13 where he says '...for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. All things compared to Christ is 'rubbish'! When we truly understand that, why would we ever need to be anxious for anything?! Christ is the only thing that can bring true fulfillment in our lives.

I heard a testimony a couple of months ago from this guy who was in Iraq for 5 years. His relationship with God grew stronger during his time there, as he knew he had no one else he could depend on. The greatest revelation that he received from the Lord was when he was lying on the ground face down, some distance away from the bunker where he needed to run to, with bombs flying overhead and going off all around him. Too afraid to get up and run towards the bunker, he just laid there and dug his fingers into the dirt as hard as he could. He thought, 'I'm going to die here'. And then these thoughts flashed through his mind - how much money he had in the bank, his family, his friends, etc. and at that moment, he realized that if he were to die right then and there, none of those things that seemed so important on earth will matter. He can't take any of it with him. The only thing that is eternal, that he can take with him, is his relationship with God.

Which brings me to a similar topic on my mind recently - how quickly and how far we can fall when our foundations are not built on Christ. Today I saw a headline called 'Wall Street Castles Made of Sand'. It reminded me of Matthew 7:24-27 when Jesus says that whoever does not listen to and obey His Word will be 'like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall'. When you look at these financial giants that pride themselves on their ability to generate huge profits, come up with new and complex products, and where the top executives make millions of dollars a year, it's difficult to imagine them in their current state just a couple of years ago. When you look at certain high profile, high level government officials (I won't mention any names here) we don't expect them to 'mess up' the way they do. But the reality is, when your ultimate trust is in yourself and not in God, you're bound to fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12 says 'therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall'. So true, so true.....

Anyway, these are the things that are on my mind lately and a summary of what I've been up to. There are a lot of moving parts in my life right now, and there is so much that I want to do. But I need to take it one step at a time. That first piece of the puzzle needs to be placed in the appropriate spot before any of the other pieces can fit around it. I hope to post another update soon, with good news!