Standing Still

So it's been a couple of weeks now that I've been feeling like I'm just standing still. A couple of weeks ago the pastor at my church preached on how we need to press on towards the goal in Christ Jesus, and what exactly that means. He used the example of traveling on a highway, we need to keep going in order to get to our destination. And along the way, we see signs that tell us whether we're going in the right direction or not. But a sign is not our destination, sometimes we're so focused on the 'signs' of God that we end up just staring at the sign and stop pursuing God, who is the actual 'destination'.

It's amazing when I think about the fact that less than two months ago, I was in China. And now, two months later, I feel like I've hit a wall in the road. Not that anything is really 'wrong', but I feel like I'm not doing anything 'great' for God. And I don't see anything significant happening. And it's a bit discouraging and I find myself less motivated and I just end up standing there, 'staring at the signs'. I know we all have days like these, and we just need to press forward and keep going, believing and trusting that God is faithful and will carry us through these times.

It doesn't help that I've been extremely distracted by something as insignificant as finding a guest to take to a high school friend's wedding. I've never been put in a position where I have to ask someone (who wasn't my boyfriend) to an event. And it's not like a 'date' or anything, and yet it was still something on my mind for weeks. But through this experience, I realized that I still care too much about what other people think of me AND I realized that perhaps I am too harsh on guys who are passive. It takes guts - even as friends - to ask someone of the opposite sex. One of my guy friends was surprised that I wouldn't feel comfortable asking. He's like, 'Any guy would be lucky to be asked by you, I can't believe you're nervous about asking, no one is going to reject you.' It is strange, I'm usually pretty confident, but I guess I found another of my weaknesses. I've talked to a few girls about this topic, it's been interesting forming theories on what the protocol is, if there is one. It's kind of humorous - I have enough thoughts on it to fill a book.

I'm in a really pensive, mellow, romantic mood, listening to ke ai nu ren.

Let me share some interesting stories from the past couple of weeks. So as you all know, I bought my Jeep in Arizona. It was registered and insured in Arizona. Now that it's in New Jersey, I needed to register and insure it in this state. When I went to the DMV in NJ over a month ago, they said I need to get NJ insurance and ask the bank to release my title because my Jeep is financed. Okay, no problem. I sent a letter to Chase asking them to send my title to the NJ DMV. Then I transfered my insurance from AZ to NJ. A few days later, Chase sent me a letter and said they don't have my title but will ask the Arizona DMV for it and it may take up to 60 days. Weird, but fine. I wait a month and still hadn't heard anything. I was going to continue waiting until I got a letter from the AZ DMV saying that because I am no longer insured in AZ, my registration will expire within 2 weeks. ACK! That means if I don't get my registration done in NJ in 2 weeks, then my Jeep will not be registered anywhere! So I made a bunch of calls to figure out where the heck my title is, and finally, it made its way to the NJ DMV before the two weeks were up. Sigh, what a hassle. Then get this, I was told after I got the registration done that I have to get my Jeep inspected. It's a new car!! Why does it need inspection?! Anyway, instead of taking a day off of work to do this, my dad had me bring it in to a garage near my house to get it inspected. I was SHOCKED when the guy called to tell me that it FAILED inspection! Why?! Because my windows are TINTED! I could not believe it. It's a tiny bit of tint, you can still see inside the car! And it's so sunny and hot in Arizona, of course it's tinted! So we had to pay to get the tint removed. LOL. Lesson learned. Buying a car in one state and moving to another is not as 'simple' as it would seem.

Today a very sweet, elderly lady at church asked me if I was in college. I smiled and said that I was working. She knows my parents. I know she means well, and she's very grandmotherly, so I didn't take offense at any of this, but it's kind of humorous. She asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said no. She asked how old I was. I told her 27. She said it's time that I start thinking about finding someone, and that I should keep my eyes open at church. THEN she proceeds to point someone out to me and tell me that he's a really good guy. I laughed and nodded, and said that we'll see what God has planned. I thanked her for her concern, and as I walked away I laughed to myself. EVEN IF I had my eyes wide open, and EVEN IF I thought someone had potential, do people expect me to start chasing after him?! I know other moms have similar conversations with my mom, asking about my relationship status and telling my mom that there are good guys in the church. I've had more moms and grandmas tell me how cute and adorable I am in the past six months than ever in my entire life I think. I mean, I appreciate it, but sometimes I think, that's great but it'd be nice if my future husband would also notice. And it's just so funny because we can talk all we want about how great the guys are and how I'm a great girl, but that doesn't mean anything is supposed to or going to happen. I don't know if this is my pessimism or practicality kicking in, but sometimes I think that we can develop feelings for anyone if we spend enough time around them. So does that mean the default is just the person you happen to be around the most?